


The four times Han Solo visited Ben, and the other times he did not.

by An_R



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Minor Leia Organa/Han Solo, Minor Luke Skywalker/Han Solo, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Pre-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Young Ben Solo, more angst than fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-03
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2019-01-28 17:49:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12612036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/An_R/pseuds/An_R
Summary: When Ben was sent by his parents to be Luke Skywalker's apprentice, they agreed his father would be allowed to visit him once a year. That's how those visits went.This is something I wanted to write before TLJ hits theaters, to see how right (or wrong) I am about Ben Solo's fall to the Dark Side. It's also supposed to be a gift to Eastmava, who writes beautiful kylux fics, and is such a generous person. I know you deserved more, my friend, but I hope you'll enjoy this a little. :)





	The four times Han Solo visited Ben, and the other times he did not.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Eastmava](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eastmava/gifts).



_How can I be lost?_  
If I've got nowhere to go?  
Searched the seas of gold  
How come it's got so cold?  
How can I be lost  
In remembrance I relive  
How can I blame you  
When it's me I can't forgive?  
The Unforgiven III - Metallica

 

\--- 1 ---

 

"Com'on, kid. This place ain't that bad," grumbled Han Solo. "Luke trained on Dagobah. That's a dump. This is just... dull," he spat, upon realizing that none of what he said so far had managed to break his son bitter silence. 

He hadn't expected a warm welcome for a start. It was the first time he was allowed to visit Ben after Leia decided to send him to Luke. He knew his son well enough to know that even after a five months separation, he'd still be pissed. It was also no surprise to find him segregated from the Temple, disassembling the main section of an old cargo crawler, so rusted that it made the Millennium Falcon look fancy. Luke had told him it was part of Ben's punishment for stealing a speeder and escaping for the village. In theory, it seemed a fair sanction, until Han saw the state the lad was, skinny like a corellian lizard and covered in dust, sweat and grease. Luke advised him padawans had a rough start, but seeing with his eyes was something else entirely.

"You should protect your face, ya know," Han insisted. "If that brown filth gets to your eyes, it stings. Like hell." The friendly advice made Ben take a quick glance at him. Then Han knew, the kid wasn't pissed. He was fully angry. Han mentally counted to ten and decided to stick with the understanding parent approach, although his patience was starting to wear thin. 

"Look, I can help you with that."

"I don't need your help." Ben answered. It sounded as if he was shouting back. "I'm not supposed to get help anyway." His voice was funny, deeper and out of tune. Sometimes Han couldn't believe that little boy that used to climb on his back and pretend he was riding a tauntaun was already fifteen. 

"Luke wouldn't let me come if he didn't think you already learned your lesson," Han said, before placing the box he carried with him carefully on the ground, next to a dying tree. The crawler was just a few steps ahead and so was Ben, standing on an even older ladder so that he could reach the vehicle compressors in a compartment near the ceiling. "Kid, I know all this seems unfair to you, but Luke has told us you’re doing great here. The scary visions are gone. You no longer break stuff in your sleep--"

"Uncle Luke knows shit!"

"Hey! Enough! Get your ass down here. Now!"

Ben hesitated, but didn't take long to obey. Of all his usual attitude traits, which also included pouting lips and clenched fists, only the staring was absent. Since he was old enough to stand, Ben always stared back when confronted, so fiercely, just like his mother. But this time, he kept his eyes down, under disheveled locks of black hair.

"I don't like that attitude, young man. This is no Hana City, I can see that. There are no servant droids, no holonet or people for you to boss around, but you know what? Maybe it's time for you to grow up and accept things as they are. You’re lucky your uncle can help you.”

“Lucky?” Ben raised his head, showing his eyes filled with tears. “I hate this place.” 

“Ben--”

“You won, okay? I’ll do whatever you want; I’ll stay out of trouble, you have my word on that. No more skipping classes, no more races. The nightmares, they're gone, you heard uncle Luke. Just let me go home.”

Things were so easier when all he had to do to make Ben stop crying was to tell him Jabba the Hutt used boy’s tears to make tea. This was very different though. Ben was no longer a child. He was something between a man and a boy and as miserable as one at that age can get. Han barely took note as he wiped away a tear on Ben’s right cheek with a thumb. Leia was right, of course. He'd get soft as soon as Ben started to lament. Being a father was indeed the strangest thing, even for someone who thought had seen it all.

The tear wiping turned to an anguished hug that weighted in Han's heart as much as seeing Leia dealing with Ben's Force induced nightmares. He understood sending Ben to Luke was their best option, if not their only. The Force was raw and dark with his son, as it had been with his damned grandfather, the real one, not the surrogate Leia taught Ben to admire. Ben needed a Force expert who could teach him what he needed, not flying lessons and shitty advice from an old smuggler.

“Aren’t they treating you alright, kid? You know you can tell me." He gave Ben's shoulder a reassuring shake. "Cause if they aren’t, I'll…”

“It’s not that.”

“Luke told me his people are afraid you'll steal all the attention."

Ben shook his head. “You don't understand. I don't fit here.”

"You will. Kid, we've discussed this. I know nothing about the Force, but I trust your mother. And Luke." With an arm over his son's shoulder, Han guided him away from his task. "Come. Take a break. I brought you something."

They sat on the ground next to the box. 

"You've got taller," Han said, taking two bottles from the box, one of fruit juice for Ben and a brandy for himself. “Here.”

"We're not allowed to have this, you know," Ben said, staring at the bottle, but not reaching for it.

"I won't tell anyone if you don't." Han gave him a little smile and exchanged the bottles.

"Really?"

"Go ahead."

Ben accepted the bottle and took a huge, thirsty gulp before choking. 

"That's awful..." he managed to say, coughing. 

"You'll get used to it," Han said. "But not today." He took the brandy back, gave Ben the juice and watched as the lad drank the whole thing eagerly. “So, what else you little Jedi monsters can’t have?” he asked, passing a pack of small cakes to Ben. 

“If you are ten years old or more, you make your own food. They just give us the stuff to cook. Roots. Veggies. No meat, ‘cause meat is bad to the connection with the Force. I felt hungry all the time in the beginning," he stuffed a whole cake in his mouth. 

"Slow with the cake, kid. What else you do besides getting filthy and starving?"

"An old man teaches me old Jedi lore, which means learning the names of all the members of the Jedi Council since Master Yoda was a padawan. Another teacher just makes me run and do stupid exercises that make me sore and tired. There's no schedule. Nothing makes sense.”

“What does Luke teach you?”

“Meditation. Basically.”

“Is that bad too?”

"It's hard. Not bad. He lets me sleep all the way through it most of times."

Han smiled. "Stick with your uncle, kid. He'll take care of you."

"How's mom?"

"Fine. Working. Saving the Galaxy. She misses you."

"You're unhappy."

"Me? No... no. On the contrary. I'm happy that I'm here with you. Oh, almost forgot. Leia sent you something," Han took another pack from the box, a light gray envelope marked with the Senate Insignia. "She wrote with her hand and didn't let me see it."

"Is she mad because of the speeder thing?"

"A little."

Han decided to let Ben stuff himself with cakes, as they remained silent for a while, enjoying the evening breeze. The place wasn't that awful, repeated Han to himself. What was Ben losing anyway? A fancy post in the Republic fleet? No, his son wasn't the military type. The crown of a vanished world? Leia was an adopted child and almost all of her subjects were gone. Ben's royal birthrights were disputable to begin with and, no, he couldn't picture his son embracing an ornamental lifestyle. But he could be a racer or have a business of his own. A legal, respectable one.

"Son, if this doesn't work for you, we'll figure out another way."

"But..."

"I'll handle Luke and your mother. Just stay a little more, one year or two. Learn what you have to learn. When you're ready, I'll come for you."

Ben lowered his head between his knees, like he needed some time for the news to sink. Then stared at his father, as if he had taken a burden from his back.

"Thanks dad."

"You're welcome, little bandit." 

 

\--- 2 ---

 

"You left her!"

"Glad to see you too, kid," was Han Solo’s reply to his visibly upset son. He should have seen this coming. Rumors about the separation had been in all holo broadcasts for months. Ben's new home was a relatively unknown spot in the galaxy, but not as much isolated. Of course, he would know.

"How could you?" Ben insisted, even angrier.

"I don’t know what rancor shit you heard, but we're still together, I just moved out to have my own thing."

"Liar!"

"Hold your tongue, Ben Solo! It's not because you're about to have facial hair you can speak to me that way."

"She's upset."

"Did she tell you that?" 

"She didn't have to."

This time Han met his son in the Temple's training room. He had to admit the whole place had improved a lot since his last visit, almost a year ago. It took Luke some time to let him come again, but he couldn't complain, since apprentices were not supposed to have visitors. Ben had changed too. He was almost his height now, with broader shoulders and a thick voice. Even his face looked different, bony and narrow, which made his not so graceful nose stood out even more. Only his hair remained the same, black and wavy, as Leia once prophesized it would always be.

"You look fine. Better than the last time."

"Don't change the subject. How could you do this to her?"

Han wondered what gossip could possibly have reached his son's ears. He had hoped Ben to be skeptical about most of the weird shit being said, but serenity had never been Ben's forte, especially when his mother was involved. 

"This is not your business. I don't own you an explanation, you--" 

Han's voice failed him when suddenly all went dark and cold, in a blood chilling way, like the air inside the carbonite pit. He opened his eyes and his head hurt, but Ben was there, holding him standing and saying things he couldn't quite grasp, things that sounded like 'dad' and 'help' and finally 'Luke'. 

When he came back to his senses, Han found himself in the same room, lying on a soft mattress. His head didn't hurt and sitting demanded no effort. He felt better than before actually.

"Dad, you're awake." Ben rushed to crouch front of him, with red eyes and suffering all over his pale face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I don't know--"

"Calm down, kid. What the hell happened?"

"I-- I think I invaded your mind."

"You what?"

"I could have hurt you. I'm sorry."

"No. You... wait. You read thoughts now?"

"In a way, yes, but not like that. What I did was wrong. Uncle Luke was worried. He still is."

"Luke was here?"

"He helped."

"Where is he now?"

"He left. He walks around when he's upset."

"Oh. Did you really see something in here?" Han pointed to his own brow.

"Yes. And felt too." 

"Mother of Kwath! I hope you didn't stay long."

"I didn't. I--" He lowered his head; took a deep breath and stared back to his father. "I saw what you're trying to do for me though."

Han sighted. "Look, I don't know what you saw or what you think you saw---"

"Racing, right?" There’s a little smile on Ben’s lips now. 

"Okay, smartass; for your knowledge, I've been a racer all my life. In one way or another, I mean. Sit, kid. How can you remain crouched that long?"

Ben smiled and sat, stretching his long legs. Han couldn't do anything but stare at the size of them. Ben used to be so chubby when he was little.

“San Tekka told me you’ve got another wife.” Ben said, sounding apologetic.

“Who?”

“A friend of Uncle Luke.”

“Another dumbass, that what he is. Trust me on that, kid, if I ever divorced your mother, finding myself another wife would be the last thing I’d do.”

Ben gave him an inquiring look. The same he'd got from Leia whenever she was about to figure something out.

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s just that I’ll never get married.”

“So, you’re fitting in here that much now?"

Ben sighted and curled in on himself, knees up to his chest. “Not really. But I understand now why people like me can’t form attachments.”

“Smugglers should not either and here I am. You’re too young, just let it be.”

“I’ve met someone. In the village. Not a girl.”

“Oh.” Han felt like he should have seen this coming too. “Does your uncle know about that?”

“I didn’t tell him. He doesn’t know I still escape to the village sometimes. Or maybe he does. He wants me to stay so bad he tends to overlook my wrongs. Even so, I still want to leave.”

“Kid—”

“You’re not taking me home, are you?”

“No. Not today. Luke-- He told me you’re learning a big deal; that it'd bad for you to leave now." Han held Ben's shoulder. "I'm not going back on our deal. I'm taking you home next year. Then you can choose what you want for yourself."

Ben nodded. That was no surprise to Ben or maybe he was still feeling too much guilty for the mind trick gone wrong to protest. Next year things would go easier, Han told himself. Ben would be seventeen. Yes, he would be ready. And so would Luke.

"Come," said Han, standing up. "I brought you a little something."

Ben followed him outside. "More cakes I can smuggle into my room, I hope."

"You'll see. First, you have to tell me about the kid at the village."

"Oh dad..."

 

\--- 3 ---

 

In his third visit, Luke didn’t ask him not to take Ben back home and Han wondered if that meant something he wasn’t quite grasping. The problem with Force users, – and Han had lots of experience in dealing with them – was that they always knew more than they showed.

Luke also looked more solemn. Older. His hair was not all shinny and blond anymore. It became darker, with visible gray strands on his brows. Although Han had stopped calling him kid long ago, the realization made him cringe and wonder if he was being oblivious to the obvious. 

Time was passing. Fast.

Luke was no longer the cocky farm boy who once called the Millennium Falcon a piece of junk. He was no longer the Jedi Knight Han once knew, dressed in black robes, unfulfilled longing and sorrows of his own. Luke was the Last Jedi Master now. The only and last hope of the mystical order that co-ruled the galaxy for generations.

No wonder he loved having Ben by his side so much, although Han knew deep inside that was not the only reason.  


And Ben. Ben was no longer a boy. He was seventeen now. A full-time Force student who had met a special someone the year before. Some other hormone-driven kid, Han assumed the minute he gave up pressing his son and started a pathetic lecture on romance and relationships that obviously made no sense. As Leia once told him during a quarrel, as a parent, he should stick with proving his son piloting lessons. And he believed that.

Afteral, Leia was right. As always.

Luke may have kept his silence, but the bad news found him with the help of someone else, an old man Luke asked to show him the way to Ben’s room. The elder didn’t know who the stranger was and, for some reason, he took Han for a law enforcer of some kind. As they left the main building, he asked if Han was there for another interrogation.

“Maybe,” Han simply said. Not a lie. Parents ask many questions, don't they? 

“This won't work with him," the man said, pointing to the box Han carried under his arm. "The minds of those who are blessed by the Force are different. Master Skywalker shouldn't let you talk to Ben alone, he... " The man stopped. "Oh, I see. You're not an investigator. You're the visitor. Captain Solo." He resumed walking. "Forgive me. My eyes are as old as the rest of me. This way. You'll find Ben over there, above the storage," he pointed to a faraway building. "Ben moved away from the dorms last year. Not enough space for him, I suppose." The disdain is his voice was evident. "Forgive me for not accompanying you further. My legs hurt."

"Wait, old man," Han said. "Why did you think I was an interrogator?"

"Oh, Master Skywalker didn't tell you? A professor who lived in the village killed himself some days ago. His personal droid's records showed that Ben was the only one who visited him. Even in Republic forgotten lands, suicides are investigated. Or should be."

"A professor?"

"Yes. A good man. Now, excuse me, I must return." 

Han proceeded alone, doing his best not to connect the words professor, Ben and village in the same thought. Luckily for him, the storage's interior was enough to get his full attention. It was a wide, but simple place, destined to stock building materials, junk and replacement parts. A narrow stairway led him to a high mezzanine, way above the ground floor's mess. The place was far from large, actually, but it was not the size that made Han’s heart tighten, but the fact that the place was so unmistakable Ben’s, that he felt like walking into his son's old room, back at Leia's. Of course Ben's previous accommodations had been way nicer, but in both places there was a shelf full star ship models. Only that those in front of him had been made of spared metal, rock and wood by the hands of their owner, instead of commissioned to an overpriced model manufacturer. 

Han couldn't avoid putting the box down and reaching for the Falcon replica, crude and at the same time so accurate in every small detail. 

"I wish Chewie could see that," he said aloud to no one but himself.

"He'd not agree with the radar dish. He likes it round for some reason."

Ben's unmistakable voice filled the room and Han almost dropped the small ship, before putting it back in its place. He was stepping inside, coming from a skylight beside his pitiful excuse for a bed. Han didn't noticed any stairs outside the storage, but Ben's appearance was more striking than not knowing how the hell he managed to enter that way. The lad looked so grownup now, tall and imposing even inside a simple gray training costume. 

"Hi, dad." 

He passed a hand through his now shoulder long hair and gave Han a little smile.

"Little bandit. You're so... Come here!" 

Han had never been much of a hugger, but his arms were faster than his tongue this time. There was some solid muscle on his son's back now. He was still juvenile-lean, but not the bag of bones of the previous visits and Han was grateful for that. 

"You're found your way with food here, I see," Han said, smiling and still holding Ben's shoulders. "Look at you. This way you're going to be taller than your uncle Chewie."

"Congratulations on the championship," said Ben. "Mom told me."

"Thanks. Wasn't as easy as it looked."

"She said you're retiring." 

"Ow. It's true. I have to let one of those kids win, for their youth's sake."

"But the team, are you--"

"No, of course I'm keeping it." Han smiled. "I just have to find me the right replacement."

"Oh…" Ben hesitated. “I hope you can find one until next season.”

“I’ve got one already. He must be a little out of practice now, but he used to kick some serious ass in Hana City underground races some years ago.”

“Dad, I--”

"What's wrong? Don't tell me you decided to become a Jedi now."

"No! I mean. I'd love to go with you, but--" He sat on the bed, as if he had to rest from a blow he did not see coming. "You wouldn't understand."

"You're right, I don't."

"The Force calls for me. I cannot turn my back to it. Even if I want to”.

"Ben," Han squatted in front of his son. "The Force will not leave you, as it didn't left your mother. You can have the life you choose. This much I know about all this... crazy mambo jambo."

"It's not true. Not for me." 

"Why not?"

"I'm different. Not like mom, or even like uncle Luke. You know that too."

Han stood up.

"Who told you this? Luke? Luke told you this?"

"No."

"Who then? The professor?"

"What? How--"

"Ben, look at me. What is going on? Who was that man?"

"No one!"

"Bullshit! You hated us for sending you here, now you say you have no choice, but to stay? This ain't you! My son is a hothead, but he knows what he wants. Always knew." 

"Maybe I'm not who you think I am."

"I'm talking to Luke. This is going far enough!"

"He was my friend, alright? And he's dead now because of me! I tricked him into walking away 'cause he was being a pain in the ass and he walked and walked and didn't stop until he drowned in the lake." 

"Ben--"

"Uncle Luke says it was an accident, that not even Master Yoda could keep a drowning man under a mind trick, but I know I did it," he sobbed, letting a couple of tears roll down his cheeks. "I wanted to get hid of him and I did it. I felt the Force in him fade and I can't go back now."

Han sat beside Ben before his legs failed him, but he quickly regained his bearings. Ben, on the other hand, had curled in himself even further, as if afraid of being touched. To be safe, Han decided against it.

"Kid, if Luke says it was an accident--"

"There are no accidents!" Ben spat, raising his back enough to stare at his father. "I'm not what the Jedi look for. I'm what they are scared of. I know that now."

"That's not possible." Han even managed to fake a condescending smile. "Your uncle wanted to have you as his student since you were in your mother's belly. Do you think he doesn't know his way around the Force?"

"He has his reasons, yes. Maybe just not the right ones."

Han felt his heart skip a beat, but shook his head.

“You’re wrong. This gift you have is a good thing once you learn how to handle it.”

"The old Jedi didn't train people like me," Ben continued. "Did you know that? Only small children and not even those, if the Force was too harsh with them. They even created blood tests to detect anomalies."

"Blood tests? Com'on kid, you're starting to make no sense."

"I learned a lot about control so far," Ben said, lifting his right hand. "To get little things done, things that the other padawans are so happy to accomplish." The ships on the shelf began to took off one by one, and to maneuver in the air, like real ones. “But it’s not by mastering old Jedi skills that I make the screaming of the Force inside of me go quiet. And now that I know what it takes, I’m afraid to leave.” 

“I regret to hear this. Your uncle didn't look afraid to me. You lost a friend, you're just confuse. But if that’s what you feel you’ve got to do.” Han sighed, staring at the ships. Speechless, as he always felt when Ben's Force sensitivity was involved. 

“This is impressive, kid."

"You have no idea."

 

\--- 4 ---

 

Han didn't visit Ben in the following year. Luke explained Ben was in isolation, which was part of his training, but he assured him Ben was healthy and showing impressive progress. The Force is so unique in him, said Luke. There no darkness in it that cannot be matched by its light.

Luke clearly expected Han to be proud, but he wasn't. Unlike Leia, he wasn't overjoyed that his son decided to become a mystic warrior monk who would never marry or have kids of his own. Actually, he was not even a bit happy for it. 

Fathers always wish their sons to follow their footsteps, explained Leia patiently, like he were a five-years-old. She even gave her father - her adored adopted father, of course - as an example of fatherly attachment. As if he'd be happier if Ben became a sassy criminal who could talk his way out of trouble.

Sometimes, even Leia didn't have a clue.

 

\--- 5 ---

 

The next visit happened before the proper time and started with a holo message from Ben, so unexpected and distorted that, even after enhancement, he only got some of the last seconds of it right. 

It said - there was no image - "...can't do this--"

Han tried to contact Leia about it, since she was the one who kept in touch with Ben via holo, but C3PO informed she was in some official visitation elsewhere, so he let the subject die for the day. If there were something wrong, surely Luke would have contacted him.

Actually, he was no longer sour, or at least not too sour, about Ben's choice. Being a Jedi surely had its joy. He never heard Luke complain, despite of everything he had to let go for it. Besides, he came up with the racing team for himself too, bored to death as he was to be a dignitary husband with no son to look after. And now that he commanded the whole thing instead of piloting, he was so busy that he barely had time to give proper advice to his "bunch of kids", as he called the group of young pilots and techs he gathered in his team.

So Leia's message came as surprise by the end of the following day. She told him Ben had some sort of accident during his training, that he broke his arm or something. By the time the message faded, Han was already on his way to the hangar. Ben was injured before, but it was the first time Luke thought it was important to notify his parents.

And the holo message. It preceded the accident, but Ben had never tried to reach him on his own before. Jedi or no Jedi, Han had to be sure that his kid was okay.

So a few hours later, Han showed up on the Jedi Temple. The place had become huge and, although the main building was not nearly as fancy as its Old Republic version, it was still impressive that Luke accomplished so much in just a few years. 

A couple of guys of the Temple staff were scared by Han’s rough approach, but Luke didn’t take long to meet him, as the good guesser he was, and quickly explained that Ben was recovering well, that he "only" broke two ribs and sustained a minor concussion after falling from a shattered rock. He also told him that the place had two top-of-the-line med droids now, both provided by the New Republic. He didn't explain how the accident happened though, how someone who was trained to dodge blaster fire couldn't jump to save his skin.

"The path of the Jedi is a hard one, Luke told him", as they walked to the medbay. "Please, don't let Ben know you disapprove it".

He didn't disapprove it, Han meant to say. It was hardly the case. Which didn't mean he liked it.

The Temple's medbay was large and clear. Actually, it looked as fine as the facility where Ben was born, in Hana City, nineteen years before. The last time Han had been in an infirmary of some sort was after their first victory of the season, when they called him to aid his very wasted main pilot, who had taken things a little too far in a celebration party. The kid was a little older than Ben, with no family around. It was only natural that he did for him what he could not do for his son.

He entered Ben’s room alone, to find him on a very decent bed, with his eyes closed under locks of black hair. There was a bacta strap on the side of his forehead and his torso was wrapped in some thick healing cloth, greyish and joyless. Beyond that, Ben had not changed much since the last visit. Han did not expect that after two years, now that he knew how kids of that age work. Maybe isolation, poor food and Jedi bullshit didn’t do much for teenage development, 'cause it was not a man's face he was looking at, but still a boy's. 

"Hi there, kid," he said, brushing some hair from Ben's face. "I heard you broke some bones."

Ben opened his eyes. In a first moment, he looked groggy, but he turned to the figure above him and even smiled as he recognized him. 

“Hi dad.”

"How are you feeling?"

"I've been better. And you?"

"I've missed you, little bandit. They didn't let me come last year. I'm sorry."

"Uncle Luke sent me to a cave."

"A cave?" Han asked. Luke hadn’t mentioned that Ben was under the effect of painkillers, making little sense. "Is that what he meant with isolation?"

"I wasn't alone."

"Luke let you take a date?" Han joked. "Not bad."

"The Force speaks through him. He's wise." Ben stopped talking. Tried to take a deep breath, but wasn't entirely successful.

"Relax, kid. It's painful. I know. I've broken a rib once. I was younger than you then. Two must be hell--"

"I saw the last race," retorted Ben, in a more steady tone. "Uncle Luke let me. Second place."

"I know right? Me and my bunch of rookies. I wish you could meet them one day."

"I wish I'd be one of them."

The confession, even if medicine induced, caught Han off guard. 

"Yep. First place for sure, had you not chosen to become a Jedi."

"You like them, don't you? I can feel."

"Well, they're my crew now. Some of them don't have a family of their own. Most of them are just a little older than you so, it's up to me to keep them in line."

"I see." Ben looked downcast, in a way Han couldn't fully comprehend. 

"What? What is it, kid?"

"Nothing", he said, looking elsewhere. "Have you seen mom?"

"Sure, a couple of months ago, during the New Republic Anniversary Celebration. They announced a statue in honor of Bail Organa, as a surprise to her. Should have seen Leia's face. Thought she'd loose her shit in public for the first time."

"But she didn't."

"Of course not. You know your mother."

Ben tried to move this time, to fill his lungs, only to wince in pain. Han held his shoulders.

"Don't do that, kid. Try to stay still. It sucks, I know. Hey, how did it happened?"

"The rock cracked. My foot got stuck. Don't remember much."

"Luke said you'll be as good as new soon enough," Han said, trying to sound positive, but the moment he his hands left Ben's shoulders, the lad tried to move again, straining even harder.

"Stop it, Ben. You'll hurt yourself. I'll get the droid."

Ben held his hand. "No. Please." 

"You are in pain. Let me--"

"No. It's okay. I'll stop, I promise. Just needed that."

"That what? Pain? Ben. Look at me. You still can leave if you want to. I'll have your back, no matter what."

For an instant, Han thought Ben had stop breathing. He didn't try to move, but he bit his lip. Then seemed to relax and gave his father a little smile.

"And give up real power for puny races? Not really."

"Okay. I understand. I'll let you rest now. Luke will let me stick around while you're recovering. I see you tomorrow, kid."

There was no tomorrow though. The med-droids found out that Ben had been moving too much, that it would be better for him to be sedated. So Han, not really wanting to spend time hearing Luke babble about Ben's powers, left.

 

\--- 6 ---

 

When Ben was sent to live with his uncle, Han and Leia made different decisions about visitations. Luke wasn't in favor of any contact to begin with, since that was the Jedi tradition, but Ben's parents were adamant that they would keep in touch. So it was agreed that Han would be allowed to visit Ben once every year, while Leia was granted holo privileges. 

When Ben turned twenty, however, it was Leia who was invited to the Temple. Han could have joined her, Luke would not have opposed to that, but he felt like it was Leia's turn to have her son all for herself. So he sent Ben a message and a gift and buried his head in his work.

Leia messaged him some days after. Her eyes were filled with tears as she described the tall and strong man Ben had become, the way his voice sounded so much thicker in person and, of course, how right she had always been about his hair.

Han could not help noticing the sorrow in her voice though, so subtle and yet so heavy in every word she said.

"Did we do the right thing?" he asked her, by the time they were saying goodbye.

She didn't answer.

 

\--- 7 ---

 

The next year, Luke decided it was time to travel with Ben. It was obvious, since his last visit, that Luke was dedicating more and more of his time to Ben's training alone, amazed as he was of his nephews innate talents. The news implied that it would be no visit that year too, so Han was surprised to receive a transmission from Ben, a real one, not some holo malfunction.

"Ben? Is that you?" The image was very poor, he could barely distinguish the figure in dark clothes.

"Hi dad."

"Kid, where are you?"

"Some shitty outpost, in Tatooine."

"Luke took you to Tatooine?"

"Yes. He grew up here, met old Ben here too."

"Makes sense. How are you doing?"

"We're fine. Luke's ship is a piece of junk, but it'll do. I'm glad I left the Temple. Wish I could see home again, but I don't think Chandrilla is in uncle Luke's plans. We're following a piece of map, searching for old Jedi Temples."

"Be careful, you two. Your mom says there are a lot of Empire sympathizers out there now."

"Don't worry. I have my own lightsaber now."

"Oh, really. And no blaster, I suppose."

"You mean this?" He tried to show him his belt. There was the shadow of a blaster attached beside a cylindrical piece of metal. Han recognized it, the old blaster he gave Ben on his twentieth birthday. 

"Luke let you have it." He smiled.

"I don't do everything uncle Luke wants. I have to go now. He doesn't know I'm sending this."

"Kid--" Han felt his heart sink inside his chest. "I'm happy to hear from you." 

"Me too. I miss you dad."

"I miss you too, little bandit."

 

\--- 8 ---

 

In the next year, Han didn't heard of Ben more than a couple of times, via holo. He knew that he and Luke had spent most of the year traveling through uncharted planets, that they even got in trouble now and then. Han couldn't help to feel proud when he was told that Ben managed to fix the ship's hyperdrive in a deserted planet, with barely no tools, after they got stuck there for weeks. He was also told that Ben used the blaster to save his skin for the first time. And the light saber. He was glad he wasn't alone, that Luke was with him.

The last time he talked to Leia, he heard her complain about centrists and defend funds for some anti-slavery program, as if he was worthy being convinced. Only after the transmission ended that he realized they didn't talk about Ben this time, as they hadn't the time before.

Maybe their son was Luke's son now. Maybe, in the end, things end up being what they're supposed to be from the start.

 

\--- 9 ---

 

Then it happened. The galaxy discovered who Leia's biological father was and that he was no other than Darth Vader himself. The creature in black people made up stories to scare little children.

To Han, he was a little more than that. He was the guy who tortured him and sold him to Jabba the Hutt and, at the same, he was part of the family he never expected he'd had. He was also Ben's grandfather. That could give anyone mixed feelings. Luke had them, he knew that. Leia, on the contrary, never forgave the man she never acknowledged as her father. She had always been the pragmatic one.

Things escalated fast after the public revelation, orchestrated by one of Leia's political foes. She had to resign her candidacy to First Senator, which probably was the goal of the whole thing. Most of her allies gave their backs to her. Her life long political career was doomed beyond recovery and even so all that she could think of was how would Ben receive the devastating news. And where, since no one knew his and Luke's whereabouts at the time. Would he be alone? Among friends? Among enemies? Would he be able to forgive their silence about it?

Han had never been much of a fan of Leia's decision to keep the truth from Ben, but it had always been her call. This and sending the boy to Luke against his will, as everything else related to the Force and their fucking bloodline. Seemed reasonable enough in the beginning, when Han felt like a foreingner among some sort of alien race. Maybe not so much anymore.

Then something else happened. Something even worse than the revelation itself. Luke's Temple was destroyed, burned to the ground. Few survived, none of the apprentices among them. At that time, Leia was certain that the Empire had a successor and a well funded one. She only couldn't imagine her son would join them and turn against his uncle. Well, she couldn't have imagined it, but she felt it the moment it happened. So Han knew it too.

Leia didn't tell her husband what Luke said to her in his least message exchange. Han only got to know that Luke left for good, in exile, 'cause he felt responsible for what happened. Officially, Ben Solo was dead, one more victim of the purge that wiped out the last chance to rebuild the Jedi Order. But, of course, it was just another lie and Han was not the type that gives up easily. 

"He calls himself Kylo Ren now," Leia informed him some time later, before they parted ways for good. "That's all I can tell you." 

To Han, that was good enough. He still had his contacts, afterall.

 

\---- 10 ----

 

And so it happened. It took a while, almost a whole year, some cheating and a couple of bribes, but Han Solo managed to find one of the Knights of Ren hiding places. 

As it seemed, his son finally had some friends. 

Ben wasn't someone to be surprised. The moment Han's ship -- not the Falcon, which he had to give up in exchange of information -- landed in that sorrow looking place, a couple of his so called knight were there to receive him. After relieving him of his weapons, they took him to a stony, old-looking, building, the lair of an ancient race who had always supported the Empire. It was a dark place, with no artificial energy, no radio signal, only basic torches. Once they got to the main room, a hooded figure seated in a large chair told them to leave. 

"Han Solo," he said. "I always thought you'd show up one day."

"Ben? Is that you?"

"I'm the Master of the Knights of Ren."

It was impossible to see his face. One informant had told Han the Knights of Ren dressed in full black, wore heavy battle gear and helmets, but it was so dark, that even if there was no mask under the hood, he'd never see the face beneath it. The voice seemed distorted, but deep enough to be Ben's.

"Kid, we need to talk."

"Do we?" 

"I'm not here to bullshit you, you must know that much about me. But whatever you're doing, you must stop it. Come back home with me. We'll figure this all out."

"Ben Solo is dead. I saw it in some official broadcast. Put down by the Jedi killer. Poor thing."

"We should never have kept the truth from you. I know that now. Deep inside, your mother knows it too. She sent you a message, the day that damned senator sold her out. She lost everything and all she could think was you."

"Is that what you came to tell me? That Leia Organa is sad she can't play politics anymore."

"I came to take you home."

"Home. Isn't that a little late?"

Han came near, small steps, but sure ones.

"Stay where you are, old man," advised the creature in a mask.

Han stopped, but the threat didn't shake his resolve. "I don't care what you do or what you did. You don't have to be with those freaks, to be nothing but a weapon to them, as your grandfather was."

The knight seemed shaken for an instant and stood up slowly, the move Han was waiting for. He took a small gadget from his boot and pulled a small trigger. Two stripes of wire ignited forwards and involved Ben's arms, sending shockwaves. He fell to his knees, trembling.

"I'm sorry, kid. I know you're not ready to hear me yet," he said, coming closer. "This is for the best." But as he approached, Ben began to laugh. 

Only that it wasn't Ben's laugh at all.

There's not much a smuggler doesn't see after two years or so in that job. Strange places, weird creatures. Unnatural abilities beyond anything a human can dream to accomplish.

Or so Han thought.

The creature stood up, the wires melting around him, like old rust. He removed the hood. There was nothing there. Not a face, but a void or a ghost with two empty spots for eyes.

"Stupid human. You really thought Kylo Ren would talk to you?"

Han tried to reach for the small blaster he had in the other boot, but his body became paralyzed, painfully stiff. He managed to force himself to face the faceless eyes, but he was not sure he didn't too look too frightened for his own good. 

"Oh, don't be afraid. You'll distress your wife. Don't tell me that after all these years you don't know how the Force works."

"Who are you? Where's Ben?"

"You mean my apprentice? You won't find him here. My knights have more pressing business to attend at the moment. Besides, I'd like to ask you a little favor on that regard," he said, with a satin voice, circling Han's frozen body. "Stop looking for him. You're resourceful, I give you that. A family reunion is in order, yes. But just not yet."

"Fuck you."

"So rude, Captain Solo. But what to expect from a low life thief like you.”

“Whoever you are, whatever power you think you have, Luke will defeat you.”

“Oh, Skywalker, of course. Your attachment to each other is so touching. Tell me, Captain Solo, did you ever told your son how in love you were once with his mother's twin?”

“What?”

“You don’t need to hide it from me. Well, you could not, even if you tried. Think, Captain. You gave Skywalker your only son, possibly the closest thing to one Skywalker’d ever had, and yet, he failed you so miserably. How devastating this must have been. Betrayal and desertion. The Jedi never change.”

"You know nothing of me, or Luke. Do what you want to me, but let Ben go."

The creature laughed again. "You really don't understand, do you? Let's try another technique." 

A gloved hand reached for him and for a moment all went dark and cold, like that time, Ben accidentally invaded his mind. Only that now the sinking felling didn’t last, and, in a blink of an eye, Han was no longer where he was, but in another time and place. Then there was a burning pain on his chest and everything went red and he knew, even if he could barely see or think, that his life was fading.

“Your son is dead, Captain Solo, as all Jedi scum around him, save for one. Skywalker's time will come though and, believe me, Kylo Ren will show him no mercy. To neither of you.”

Han's body was suddenly released and he fell to the ground. He didn't even tried to stand up. His arms were shaking, as the sting of the ghost wound still pulsed inside his chest. He only raised his head enough to face the creature, not in defiance, but in painful defeat.

"What did you do to him?" he asked, as the creature slowly returned to the chair. 

"I must leave you now, Captain Solo. My guards will escort you out safely back to your ship." He sat, pulling the hood over his head.

"What did you do? Just tell me that! Please."

The creature's voice changed to something mechanical again. 

"I only did what you all could not. I accepted the truth." 

As ship broke the atmosphere, when Han found himself away from that hellish place, he let himself breath and the reality sink in. He had lost his son and there was no turning back.

Times had been rougher than ever in the last year, after the fatidic day Leia pulled her hand to her chest and feel to her knees, shaken and out of breath, sensing Ben's commitment to the dark side. Han sold both his businesses to support his wife's Resistance and the searches for Ben and Luke, disappointing everyone who were loyal enough to stick with him after knowing he willingly married Vader's daughter. Those were hard decisions, but he did it all in good spirit because he believed that Luke would return, that the First Order was manageable and that Ben could be brought back to them. 

Not anymore.

Han Solo was no Force sensitive, he could not feel energies or guess the future. Nevertheless, he knew exactly what would happen after he returned to Leia. They would fight and exchange blames. She'd say she still fells the light in Ben; that, as parents, they didn't have the right to give up. She would never accept that the Ben they knew didn't exist anymore, that only memories remained. 

And it was to the Ben of the past that Han ran to, as he changed the course from the Resistance base to planet Takodana. As he closed his tired eyes, he saw him, in the copilot seat of the Falcon, learning the basics of piloting with curious eyes and earnest interest. He saw his tiny six years old hands, struggling to move the ship's old controls and the broad smile he gave him after repeating the takeoff routine with not a single mistake. Han had probably smiled back to him too, and messed up his always too long hair, stupidly proud as he was of Ben's early piloting achievements. Then they'd eat some snack and walk home, a long way, and Han would pick him up in his arms as soon as Ben started to rub his eyes. 

"I'm big, dad. I can walk," Ben would always say, seconds before falling asleep with his head on Han's shoulder.

"I know, little bandit. I know."

**Author's Note:**

> This is are the cannon information that inspired this fic:
> 
> \- Claudia Grey's Bloodline tell us that Ben's fall to the dark side happened when he was like 23. But we know from TFA that Snoke was around much earlier than that, and that he did make things happen in order to distance Ben from the light. 
> 
> \- Bloodline also tells us that Han Solo had a nice life as a racer and businessman before Ben went dark and that, although he didn't live with Leia anymore, they were still married and close to each other.
> 
> \- The same novel shows that Han Solo enjoyed being a father figure to young people that worked for him, since he couldn't have his own son around.
> 
> \- Han Solo called baby Ben "little bandit" in the Aftermath books, much to Leia's annoyance. Leia prefered to call Ben her angel.


End file.
